Willows for Weeping Read online

  'Good.' He gave her an approving smile. 'And now I must continue to try to convince my mother that I have no choice but to go on alone. I pray you, mistress, take care of her while I'm gone. She has a morbid fancy that some ill will befall me. Much as I try to reassure her, I cannot console her or change her mind. I won't be gone long for I intend to buy a horse as soon as I may, and ride hard to Oxeneford and back again. And, whether she will or no, I shall insist then that my mother finish our journey on horseback.'

  'Are you in danger?' Janna asked.

  Bernard considered the question for a moment. 'No.'

  Janna didn't believe him. 'Go safely,' she said. 'And return safely too.'

  Bernard gave a brief smile in return, but his eyes stayed watchful and wary. Don't forget what I told you,' he said. 'Trust no-one.'

  * * *

  After the scene of worship she'd imagined, with the violent sacrifice at its conclusion, Janna felt uneasy bedding down for the night within the circle of the henge. But Juliana had insisted, and Janna wasn't prepared to leave the comfort and safety of the pilgrim group to venture anywhere else on her own. Ulf had lent her a length of homespun which he'd pulled out of his pack. It was cut unevenly. Janna thought he might use bits of it to wrap up his relics as and when he came by them. Nevertheless, she accepted the homespun gratefully, for it meant she would have something to put between her new dress and the damp grass to sleep on.

  She huddled down between Winifred and Juliana in the shelter of a huge monolith, while the rest of the pilgrims spread out elsewhere. Juliana was now preserving a tightlipped silence, but Janna could see that she held the relic she'd obtained from Ulf cupped reverently within her hands. Her lips moved and Janna knew she was reciting prayers. For Bernard's safety, no doubt. And perhaps also a prayer for her own healing.

  Janna closed her eyes against the dark, moonlit landscape that so closely resembled what she'd imagined earlier. She was sure her dreams would be haunted by ghosts of the past, if she could sleep at all. But, tired after the day's walk, she fell asleep almost instantly, dropping into a dark and silent void.

  Something woke her, and she jerked upright. What was it she'd heard? Was someone moving about? She looked around, but everything seemed still. She tried to steel herself to get up and investigate, but found she didn't have the courage for it. Perhaps it was only the fragment of a dream which had awoken her.

  Janna frowned as she tried to remember. Nothing came to mind, other than some sort of noise. A cry for help, perhaps? If so, no-one else had heard it, for she could make out dim shapes scattered about among the stones: humps of bodies, silent and still, and all fast asleep. Or were they? She tried counting them to see if all the pilgrims were present. There were only six when, with the arrival of Ralph, the count should have been nine including herself and Bernard – if he'd decided to delay his departure until dawn. In the darkness, it was impossible to tell who was there and who was missing, or even whether some of their band were sleeping elsewhere and she was, in fact, counting strangers. Morcar and his wife might well have sought more private shelter, while one or other of their party could have gone in search of a convenient cover after partaking of too much ale before bedtime.

  A thin scream shattered the silence. Janna tensed, half expecting to see the pagan band circling among the stones, the condemned man, the flash of the blade, the blood on the altar. She felt sick with fear. And yet there was nothing to see, nor could she sense any movement. All seemed peaceful and still. She glanced upwards and there, silhouetted against the silvery moonlight, she saw a dark shape glide silently overhead. A limp body dangled from its talons. A tawny owl. It must have been the terrified squeal of its prey that had awoken her.

  She lay down again, feeling her heart banging about her chest with delayed shock. She was wide awake now, and far too frightened and on edge to go back to sleep. Now that she was fully conscious, the night seemed full of noises. Grunts and snores. A sudden loud fart. The cries of sleepers wrestling with nightmares. The intimate murmur of a couple with loving on their minds. There were others camped here this night as well as themselves.

  To take her mind off her fright, Janna cast her thoughts back to her conversation with Ralph. Just the thought of him warmed her, although it did little to quieten the erratic beating of her heart. How kind he was. How thoughtful. In spite of her shamed admission he still treated her with courtesy and care. She remembered how closely he had held her, how intently he had watched her. Her breathing quickened. She couldn't deny that he had taken her fancy.

  Her thoughts ran on. Ralph knew of her humble origins yet, unlike Hugh, he seemed unconcerned that she had no connections, no dowry, no property that she could call her own. Was he attracted to her? Janna wasn't sure. But, she reasoned, he had offered to help her find her father. As they came to know each other better, maybe his kindness could become the foundation of something infinitely more precious and wonderful? Janna smiled to herself in the darkness. It was an exciting possibility. It was certainly something to dream about!

  * * *

  Once again Janna awoke with a start, but this time the wail of distress was real for the sound continued after she'd opened her eyes. Her heart thumped with terror as she looked about. Although the night's darkness had lightened, she couldn't see anything! She blinked, and rubbed her eyes and stared about her. A huge dark shape loomed above her, disembodied as a ghost. She startled back, trembling with fear. But at least she was not alone for she could hear voices raised in agitation, while the thin wailing continued like an echo of her dream.

  Janna tried to make sense of her surroundings. The henge! She remembered now where she was, and with that memory came the realisation that a thick mist had descended, obliterating all trace of the stone circle save for the lonely giant that towered above her. She stood up and leaned against it, for her legs felt shaky and weak from remembered fright. The voices grew louder, the wailing continued. Janna extended her arms in front of her and cautiously felt her way towards the source of the noise. Something was terribly wrong. She could not shake the sense that Juliana was at the heart of the trouble, nor could she shake a growing chill of terror.

  It was as she'd suspected. She found Juliana weeping and shouting for Bernard. Golde and Winifred stood with their arms around her, begging her to stay calm. As she noticed Janna approach, Juliana quietened for a moment to gather the last shreds of her strength together.

  'You should have listened to me!' she cried, her voice tremulous with grief and despair. 'You should have gone when I asked you to go!'

  'What's happened?' Janna looked about for Bernard to calm his mother, then remembered that he'd probably already left the henge. Her gaze fell on Ulf, and he hastened to explain.

  'Adam has disappeared, and Bernard along with him. Mistress Juliana fears for her son's safety.'

  'Master Bernard told me he had to leave us for a time. He said there was something he had to do,' Janna explained carefully.

  'But Adam has also gone. He would never have taken Adam with him!' Juliana gave a hiccuping sob. 'Something has happened to my son, I know it. I feel it here!' She clapped her hand to her breast.

  'Why should Adam's disappearance have anything to do with Master Bernard? They might have left the henge quite separately.' She wondered how best to set Juliana's mind at ease. 'Master Bernard told me he was going, but he won't be gone for long. I know he means to return just as soon as he may.' Juliana had let her morbid imaginings get the better of her, Janna thought. Bernard had said he was going to deliver the message to the empress, and that he would leave under cover of darkness. He must surely have told his mother the same thing. Really, there was no mystery here.

  'Where did Master Bernard say he was bound? Perhaps we could mount a search for him?' Ralph addressed his question to Janna.

  Janna opened her mouth, and closed it again. She looked to Juliana for guidance, but the old woman folded her arms and turned away. Ralph waited for an answer.

  '
He didn't say where he was going.' Janna hated lying, but she'd given her word to Bernard and she couldn't break it now.

  'And Adam? What about him?' Ralph asked.

  The pilgrims looked at each other, and shuffled their feet. Finally Morcar spoke up. 'He would go if he could, but Bernard would have done all in his power to prevent him leaving, as would I. But I kept close to both of them in the night, and I heard and saw nothing.' He and Juliana exchanged glances.

  'It may be that Adam is still here?' Golde spoke up. 'We should split up and search the henge and its surrounds before we move on. He may be off viewing the site or even sound asleep somewhere else.' From her tone, it seemed clear she didn't think it likely. There was little hope in her voice as she added: 'We wouldn't want to leave without him.'

  Why not? But Janna didn't voice her question.

  'Surely he can catch up to us if he still wants our company?' Ralph objected.

  'No!' Morcar said sharply. 'Golde's right. We cannot leave until we have looked for him.' Even as he spoke he was moving away through the mist, while Golde stumped off in a different direction.

  Bewildered, Janna watched them go. She knew she hadn't imagined the hatred in the glance Golde had given Adam. Why now this insistence on finding him?

  Ralph rolled his eyes and heaved a dramatic sigh. 'If we are to make this search, which I suspect will prove futile, at least let me have the pleasure of your company, Janna?' he said, and offered her his arm. Janna felt a little flustered as she slipped her hand through the crook of his elbow, and even more so as he pulled her hand close to squeeze it against his side.

  'Stay here and rest, ma dame,' Ulf told Juliana. 'Keep Adam with you, and Bernard too if either of 'em comes your way.' He cast a dubious glance around the henge. Janna noticed that the mist had begun to lift slightly, burning away in the warmth of the rising sun. The dark shapes of the stones were becoming more visible. At least they'd be able to walk about without bumping into anything.

  'We'll return within the hour,' Ulf continued. 'Unless they've already left, I doubt they'll be far away. It won't take us long to search the henge.'

  Juliana nodded, but her eyes were dull, her expression without hope. 'What I have most feared has come to pass. It's too late for Bernard but find Adam, I pray you. He may be able to shed some light on what has happened to my son.'

  Adam? Janna wondered anew why everyone was so deter-mined to locate him. The pilgrim had done little to befriend anyone. It was obvious that no-one liked him even though there always seemed to be someone with him. So what if he'd finally left the pilgrim band? The real question was why he'd stuck with them for so long when he loathed their company.

  One thing seemed clear to Janna: Bernard hadn't managed to convince Juliana that he had to leave them. Janna was sure he'd kept to his intention and that it was a waste of time looking for him. But it seemed that Adam was more of a mystery than she'd realised and she was intrigued to find out more.

  'Shall we start in the centre and spread outwards?' Ralph suggested. Janna nodded. It seemed as good a place to try as any.

  They picked their way between the monoliths, stubbing toes against smaller stones that had fallen and now lay half-obscured in the long grass. They encountered several bodies, still asleep, and circled them with careful scrutiny although not much hope. But there was no sign of Adam or Bernard among them.

  The full orb of the sun was now above the horizon, bringing light and warmth to the day. Janna gestured towards the embankment that enclosed the stone henge. 'Shall we try over there?'

  Ralph nodded, and together they walked between the stone pillars and out beyond their circle. Now that the last tendrils of mist were burning away, Janna noticed that the sun was beaming a path of light down the avenue. It reached right into the very heart of the stone circle. The huge monoliths shone radiant where the sun's rays touched them, and cast long shadows before them on the grass. Other travellers were now rising, packing up and getting ready for departure. Janna noticed a young woman dressed in flowing robes and with a garland of flowers around her neck. She danced among the light and shadows of the stones, her movements slow and graceful, her hands outstretched as if in supplication. It all looked very peaceful, quite different from her feverish imaginings of the day before.

  'He seems a man of mystery, your pilgrim leader.' Ralph's voice broke into Janna's thoughts.

  She nodded, appreciating that it might well look that way to an outsider. Nevertheless, she had already been indiscreet; she would not be drawn again. And so she said nothing.

  'He told you he was going away, that he had something to do?' Ralph queried.

  'Yes.' This much Ralph already knew.

  'But he didn't say where he was going or what he needed to do?'

  'No.' Janna made sure her denial was firm enough to convince Ralph.

  He clicked his tongue in frustration, but whether it was over her unwillingness to speak, or his impatience over their delayed departure, Janna couldn't say. 'Why didn't he leave earlier if his mission was so urgent? And how does Adam fit into Bernard's plans? Why has he gone missing?'

  'I don't know.' Janna was pleased that, for once, she could speak with conviction. She was about to raise a far more important subject, something close to her heart, when she realised, with a spark of annoyance, that in the hurry to investigate Juliana's cries she'd forgotten to take her father's ring out of her purse.

  'But you, too, are on a secret mission,' Ralph observed, seemingly reading her mind. 'You mentioned that you have a ring with a crest on it. And a letter. You were going to show them to me.'

  'They're still in my purse,' Janna admitted. 'I was so alarmed by Juliana's cries that everything else went out of my head.'

  'Perfectly understandable.' Ralph gave her a warm smile. 'Why don't you tell me about them instead. This letter, for instance. What's it all about?'

  'It's a message from my father to my mother, explaining his absence.' Janna hesitated. She wasn't used to sharing informa-tion that was so close and so personal. But Ralph had shown an interest, had offered his help. She owed him the truth in this, at least. 'It seems my father was betrothed to someone else. But he was determined to wed my mother, and so he had to travel to Normandy to explain the situation to his own father.' Bastard-born she might be, but Ralph should know that her parents had loved each other and had wanted to wed.

  'As well as his ring, there is also a brooch he sent her,' Janna continued. 'I also keep a small statue of a mother and child that I found in the forest near where I live. And I have . . .' But no, she wouldn't tell him about Emma's reward, the silver coins she was now using to pay her way in her search for her father. She liked Ralph, might even be halfway to falling in love with him, but she hardly knew him for all that. All she had to go on was that he was a man of some quality and importance, judging by his appearance and manner.

  And you should never judge people by their appearance! The thought brought a wry smile to her lips as she lightly smoothed her hand down her own fine gown. 'And I have nothing else,' she completed her sentence.

  'But you possess a veritable treasure trove, Janna! Do you have any other letters? Letters can tell us so much more than mere objects.'

  'No. I have only the one.' Janna decided it was time to ask some questions of her own. She wanted to know more about this dangerously attractive mystery man who seemed so much more worldly than the pilgrim he called himself. 'What about you, Ralph? Do you travel with secrets and treasure?'

  'What do you mean?' he asked warily.

  'I mean nothing!' Janna laughed. 'You asked me about my family, and about my secrets and treasure. Now I return the compliment of your interest, that's all.'

  Ralph looked a little sheepish. 'What do you want to know?'

  Everything about you! But Janna was wise enough not to voice her thoughts lest she frighten him away. Instead, she contented herself with asking, 'Where is your home, Ralph?'

  'Winchestre.'

  Janna was impr
essed. She knew that the royal treasury was housed at Winchestre, and that it was an important seat of power. 'Do you think my father could be there?' she asked impulsively.

  Ralph shrugged. 'It's possible. Especially if he is who I think he may be. Tell me, Janna, whose side does he support in this battle for the crown between the lord king and his cousin, the empress?'

  'How can I know that if I don't know who he is?' Janna countered.

  'I thought you might have an opinion on the matter.'

  'I met the empress when she came to Wiltune Abbey earlier this year.' Caution warned Janna not to say more of their meeting or of how she now wholeheartedly supported the empress's bid for the throne.

  'You have something of her look about you.' Ralph stopped and turned Janna to face him, as if to make sure of his observation.

  Janna was shocked into momentary silence. So, too, had the empress's own tiring woman commented on her appear-ance, although Janna had been quick to deny any royal connection. 'Only because my hair is fair. It makes my eyes look darker than they really are, as dark as the empress's own,' she hurried to explain, all too conscious of his careful scrutiny. 'Others have made the same mistake.'

  Ralph's eyebrow lifted in query. Janna felt uncomfortable, and sought to divert him with the question now burning on her tongue. 'So you've met the Lady of England?'

  'I don't know the lady personally but I have seen her before, yes.'

  'I understand her promised coronation came to naught, for the Londoners turned against her and she was forced to flee to Oxeneford. And from what that young lad was saying yester-day, she is now at odds with the king's brother, the Bishop of Winchestre?'

  'You are well informed for someone so newly come from an abbey,' Ralph laughed. 'What else do you know?'

  'Nothing, other than what I overheard yesterday. But I'm interested in the empress's changing fortune. Will she try again for the crown, think you?'

  Ralph lifted his hands in a 'don't know' gesture.